Idag väljer jag att publicera ett inlägg från min mans blogg som skriver öppet och sårbart hur svårt det är att hantera en tuff cancerdiagnos och hur vi aktivt arbetar med acceptans och att leva i nuet. Han beskriver det ur sin synpunkt och har fått ner essensen av det arbete vi gör tillsammans. Det är också så jag arbetar med andra cancerberörda och närstående i mitt arbete. A new story can only be created by living it in the present
Tuesdays are always days of anguish for me. That’s when I get my weekly blood tests. I hope the values keep improving but I know it’s not always a straight path, so like the weather in Stockholm, my mood is dark.
I’m more tired than usual and have been feeling nauseous It’s like a veil has been put over my spirit. I realize I have to do the only thing I can do, just breathe. The breathing helps and I start thinking about my happy places. But today they are all blurred and seem to fade away. And then the tears start. I go in to talk to my wife, who is not only my wife but my therapist and psychologist. She asks me to write down my five biggest fears, which I do. She then proceeds to show me one by one how all these fears are locked up in the future; that I more than likely will not die today, that today I can still function, that I can still write, that I still have my faith (it’s just slightly weakened), that maybe the reason I don’t feel as good as I would like is…SURPRISE..I have cancer. She tells me the fears are driven by imagination. She also tells me that if I start living in the world of “what might happen” that I will miss all the good things in this life. She does this with love and a smile but also with a look that says “you better remember all this because today is where you are, it’s where we all are until our time comes”.
She’s a wise woman. Now the fears are like the majority of the cancer cells we all carry: they’re there but dormant and harmless. It’s when we let them take over that they grow and start to eat us up.
I have two words I’d like to add to my profile; cancer-free and fearless. I am grateful to my wife for making me feel like both are a possibility. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Love, B.